My Last Baby?

Despite Theo only been born a few months ago I’m constantly already being asked if we are ‘done’ or if we’re planning a third baby.

Honestly, I hadn’t expected those kinds of questions. I’d got used to them after having Lily but I really thought that now I have two kids *including a newborn!* people would stop asking!

I mean, first of all, I think it’s quite rude to even ask someone, essentially, about their sex life, reproductive health or plans for another baby. I don’t think I’ve ever asked someone (apart from maybe a couple of VERY close friends about whether or not they were actively trying for a baby – you’re basically asking if they are having unprotected sex which is an odd subject to chat about!)

But also….

Infertility and Baby Loss

Not everybody knows this but we tried for Theo for 7 very long years – years full of heartbreak and suffering and loss.

I shouldn’t have to explain that to people, or even tell people if I don’t want to, but I feel like I have to justify my reasons for having (or not having!) more children.

Infertility absolutely sucks – I seriously don’t want to go through the heartache of that again.

Pregnancy Issues

My pregnancy with Theo was not easy at all. I spent part of it on bed rest, had a fractured pelvis and hyperemesis.

If I’m being perfectly honest I’m really not sure I’d want to go through all of those pregnancy health issues again!

Traumatic Labour

I’ve not yet written about it on the blog but if you follow me on Instagram then you will know that we had a very traumatic labour and nearly lost Theo.

He spent some time in the NICU and it was a really heartbreaking and upsetting time for us. The thought of going through labour again honestly terrifies me.

Logistics of another baby

Financially having 3 children would be impossible for us right now. Even once I’m back at work pretty much all of Scott’s wage will be going on childcare.

When I am back at work I’d like to have a bit more spare money to spend on ourselves, to travel again and to treat ourselves to things every now and then.

Maybe that’s selfish but a third child would, at this moment in time, push us to our limits financially.

Practically speaking 3 kids would be a lot more difficult than 2 in so many ways. From living space to cars, holidays, everything.

I’m not even sure that I personally could handle 3 kids – it can be so tough to even juggle everything now – let alone with an extra baby in the mix.

Heart over my head?

That being said even though my head pretty much says ‘No way Jose’ I’m not sure that my heart is on the same page. I was told that you know when you are ‘done’ having kids and I’m not sure I am.

I’m conscious of the fact that I’m only 29 so have quite a few childbearing years ahead of me should I change my mind (and ever recover from the traumatic labour we had this time around).

Other options?

We would also like to consider adopting one day. When our kids are a bit older I think that is something that we would seriously think about doing.

There are so many children out there who don’t have a safe, loving home and I’d like to help in any way I can.

What next?

And so, in all honesty, I don’t know what the future holds in terms of having more kids. But I do know that I am bloody blessed to have the two that we’ve got.

My focus right now is on being the best mum I can possibly be to them. At the end of the day – THAT is all that matters.

Baby Hand

Bizarrely I’ve also had lots of people assume there’s no way we would ever have another child – I’ve had a LOT of ‘you’ve got one of each now so you can be done’ and even got asked if I was considering getting sterilised #wtf *I can safely say that was an uncomfortable conversation*

Oh, and we have plenty of great protected sex for now just in case you were wondering 😉

Alex

xxx

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14 Comments

  • Reply Dean of Little Steps September 21, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    I can relate to this. When my daughter was born, I was constantly asked this too. Then again, I’m an older mum you see. Had T when I was already 36, I guess they just thought that if I was planning another one, I better hurry up then 😉 I would’ve loved to have another one. Sadly, I think I’m just too old now although I am aware women in their mid-40s do manage to have successful and healthy pregnancies 🙂

    • Reply bettertogetherhome September 22, 2018 at 9:32 am

      I can imagine that must have been frustrating for you! Funny thing is – I had lily when I was very young (19 pregnant, 20 when she was born) and people were so awful about my even getting pregnant in the first place so was a complete shock to then have them asking when I’d be having another! Ps you never know what might happen 😉

  • Reply Grant September 21, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    It is an odd thing to say to someone who’s just had a baby. “Hey – your child is lovely. I’d like to know question your decision to have any more.” People are strange 🙂

    • Reply bettertogetherhome September 22, 2018 at 9:30 am

      It is really bizarre!

  • Reply Sarah | Digital Motherhood September 21, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    Mine is 7 and I still get asked if I’m having another! Get the message people! Lol

    • Reply bettertogetherhome September 22, 2018 at 9:30 am

      It’s just nobody else’s business!

  • Reply Debbie Nicholas September 22, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    I felt the same every time I had a baby and it was only after number 6 that I felt as though my family was complete.

  • Reply Curious and Geeks September 22, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    In my entourage, people either ask me when is number 3 going to be, or that 2 is enough and I shouldn’t be thinking of a third one. So weird how people like to intrude in such a personal topic.

  • Reply Kara September 22, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    I have 6 children and people always ask if we are having any more. I guess it’s a natural question – it;s one I often ask, although maybe I shouldn’t

  • Reply Laura- Dear Bear and Beany September 22, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    I think it is a natural question that people just ask and don’t take into account anything else, except trying to show an interest in your family. But I understand that it’s not always an easy one to answer x

  • Reply fashionandstylepolice September 22, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    People always ask me if I am having anymore too. I wonder why but I think it is just a natural question. I try not to ask people that though.

  • Reply Laura Dove September 23, 2018 at 7:00 pm

    I am constantly asked if we will try for a fifth which breaks my heart. We have a fifth but he died, and I don’t shy away from telling people who ask me just that. xx

  • Reply Juila Hart September 24, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    It must have been really hard time for you while you were in labor. Just hang in there and do not let words of other people dictate you. Enjoy life. Enjoy motherhood.

  • Reply Laura September 24, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    Like you said I feel it’s quite a personal question, fine when it’s a close friend but a strange thing to ask I feel when you have a newborn. I do think it’s up to each person, some feel complete with 2, others with 4 etc you just never know, personal I don’t know either

    Laura x

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