Despite Theo only been born a few months ago I’m constantly already being asked if we are ‘done’ or if we’re planning a third baby.
Honestly, I hadn’t expected those kinds of questions. I’d got used to them after having Lily but I really thought that now I have two kids *including a newborn!* people would stop asking!
I mean, first of all, I think it’s quite rude to even ask someone, essentially, about their sex life, reproductive health or plans for another baby. I don’t think I’ve ever asked someone (apart from maybe a couple of VERY close friends about whether or not they were actively trying for a baby – you’re basically asking if they are having unprotected sex which is an odd subject to chat about!)
Infertility and Baby Loss
Not everybody knows this but we tried for Theo for 7 very long years – years full of heartbreak and suffering and loss.
I shouldn’t have to explain that to people, or even tell people if I don’t want to, but I feel like I have to justify my reasons for having (or not having!) more children.
Infertility absolutely sucks – I seriously don’t want to go through the heartache of that again.
My pregnancy with Theo was not easy at all. I spent part of it on bed rest, had a fractured pelvis and hyperemesis.
If I’m being perfectly honest I’m really not sure I’d want to go through all of those pregnancy health issues again!
I’ve not yet written about it on the blog but if you follow me on Instagram then you will know that we had a very traumatic labour and nearly lost Theo.
He spent some time in the NICU and it was a really heartbreaking and upsetting time for us. The thought of going through labour again honestly terrifies me.
Logistics of another baby
Financially having 3 children would be impossible for us right now. Even once I’m back at work pretty much all of Scott’s wage will be going on childcare.
When I am back at work I’d like to have a bit more spare money to spend on ourselves, to travel again and to treat ourselves to things every now and then.
Maybe that’s selfish but a third child would, at this moment in time, push us to our limits financially.
Practically speaking 3 kids would be a lot more difficult than 2 in so many ways. From living space to cars, holidays, everything.
I’m not even sure that I personally could handle 3 kids – it can be so tough to even juggle everything now – let alone with an extra baby in the mix.
Heart over my head?
That being said even though my head pretty much says ‘No way Jose’ I’m not sure that my heart is on the same page. I was told that you know when you are ‘done’ having kids and I’m not sure I am.
I’m conscious of the fact that I’m only 29 so have quite a few childbearing years ahead of me should I change my mind (and ever recover from the traumatic labour we had this time around).
We would also like to consider adopting one day. When our kids are a bit older I think that is something that we would seriously think about doing.
There are so many children out there who don’t have a safe, loving home and I’d like to help in any way I can.
And so, in all honesty, I don’t know what the future holds in terms of having more kids. But I do know that I am bloody blessed to have the two that we’ve got.
My focus right now is on being the best mum I can possibly be to them. At the end of the day – THAT is all that matters.
Bizarrely I’ve also had lots of people assume there’s no way we would ever have another child – I’ve had a LOT of ‘you’ve got one of each now so you can be done’ and even got asked if I was considering getting sterilised #wtf *I can safely say that was an uncomfortable conversation*
Oh, and we have plenty of great protected sex for now just in case you were wondering 😉